You Can Learn To Stay Calm. Try It

Here’s the first thing you need to know: staying calm is something you learn. Although we come into the world with a genetic endowment that makes us more or less impulsive, the natural thing is that we start life letting ourselves be carried away by emotions and passions. Our frontal lobe is not yet fully developed.

If we are fortunate to have favorable conditions for our evolution and development, we are learning that to act reasonably we must control impulses. We are also realizing that if there is no such self-control, we end up acting erratically and we end up making or saying phrases that in the long run harm us.

The bad news is that not all of us have an education that encourages self-control ; the positive news is that after childhood we can carry out this education ourselves. Once we are aware of the problem – in our past there are numerous examples of having screwed up by precipitation – we can act to correct this dynamic.

In this case, it is true that we are introducing a repressive factor on our impulses. Entering the world of culture always requires a quota of renouncing those appetites and desires that go against living with others.

But in reality, the one who is most useful for self-control is ourselves. It prevents us from wasting emotional energy uselessly and allows us to be more assertive. Here we give you 4 keys to learn to stay calm in the moments that cost the most.

To stay calm, cut off the stressful stimulus immediately

Loss of control occurs when a stressful stimulus is presented. Under the label of “stressful” we can locate what scares and / or threatens us. Also that which questions us, puts us in doubt or opposes our wishes. That is why when we label something as a stimulus that causes us discomfort, we react automatically. A part of our avoidance or stress is natural, as it avoids negative events. But another part is learned, how many people do we know who spend most of the day stressed? Education greatly influences our way of dealing with adverse situations, so in the same way that we have learned to stress, we can learn to take it easy.

If you have not cultivated self-control, what happens with these types of stimuli is that they put you in a defensive attitude, which is expressed as aggressiveness : you yell, you gesture in a violent way, you use offensive language or you design a hurtful and also threatening speech.

You can control these impulses if you can keep still and quiet for about 20 seconds. If you feel like it is impossible not to react, simply stand up and cut yourself off for a brief moment, taking a deep breath in and out. It is very true that “you have to count to ten.” Sometimes the difference between a big hit and a big mistake is precisely those few seconds of break.

Focus attention on your own body

It is important that you program yourself to be very attentive to everything that happens in your body. Activate the “chip” whenever you feel uncomfortable with something or someone. Stop thinking about that external reality and turn your attention to how you are reacting physiologically. The signals come from your body, it is he who accompanies the state of anxiety, stop it. In this way, you will learn to know yourself better and to stop the anger before it arises and you can regret it.

Focus on the way you breathe, on your heartbeat. Think about your body temperature and if you feel hot, cool off with water or fresh air. Check to see if your muscles are tense and stretch them. Without even realizing it, you will be taking control of the situation. Being the owner of our body will give us control over the reactions that until now have been automatic. Without a doubt, it will lead us to a better mastery of ourselves.

To “activate the chip”, record this command in your mind and repeat it constantly: “I want to understand the reactions of my body”. If something appears that confuses or irritates you, get used to thinking automatically: “I want to understand the reactions of my body.” That phrase will be an opening to self-observation and, as a consequence, to self-control. Another practice to know your body is mindfulness,  through this technique we will know how to separate the automatic reaction. That is, we will go from automatic pilot to manual control. It is a method to learn to get away from afflictive emotions and prevent them from taking over us.

Exercise, always exercise

If you are one of those chronic cases (people who explode almost all the time and almost for anything), you urgently need to introduce an exercise routine into your daily life. Better if it is a sports practice, which ends with the excess energy that you can later waste against you.

It is scientifically proven that exercise activates the production of different hormones that affect mood. The expenditure of physical energy also allows you to release that excess of emotional tension that keeps you irritated or on the verge of exploding. In addition, the discipline that requires the practice of exercise, or some sport, is also a way of training the capacity for self-control.

It is not about competing against others or aiming for victory. The important thing is to enjoy the activity and to listen to your body also in a space in which you give it freedom by imposing a faster and more energetic rhythm.

Better that it is something that catches your attention or that you enjoy in some way. But if you find yourself in that phase where you don’t like it at all, simply do your exercises alone at home or replace it with a daily walk, at a brisk pace. You will see how in a short time you feel much better.

What do you do to stay calm?