Where You Can’t Be, Better Not Be

Where you can not be, better not be. Because being faithful to your own identity, values ​​and dignities requires being strong of heart and courageous in decisions. At the end of the day, life is already complicated enough for others to turn off our worth and self-esteem, to force us to fit into spaces and dynamics that do not go with us, that make us feel bad, that oxidize our spirits. .

This reflection on which we all surely agree has a curious, but important nuance. What do we mean when we say “be you”? I mean, what does it mean to be yourself? As strange as it may seem, there are many people who have not yet managed to shape this muscle, the heart of their own personality.

Defining ourselves, knowing where our limits are, where our passions are, having made a good reflection on everything we have experienced, being clear about what we want for ourselves, are small examples of that cornerstone of mental health. Because defending our essence and appreciating who we are is well-being and vitality.

Thus, it is very common to see people who define themselves by what they do: “I am a policeman”, “I am a driving school teacher”, “I am a factory operator”, “I am a family man” . Now, beyond what we do or do not do, there is something else. Because people are not only what we dedicate ourselves to, we are what we dream of, what we have lived, what we do not want, what we expect from life …

And all this deserves to be defended, protected on a daily basis.

The difficulty of being you every day

The hunger for authenticity appears in us daily. We want to be ourselves in each decision made, we want there to be harmony in each of our relationships, without resorting to falsehood, without having to give in on things that do not go with us. We want, in essence, to safeguard that epicenter where our own identity is and that nothing and nobody breaks that balance.

And yet it happens. Almost without knowing how you stop being you when at work you end up carrying out tasks that you do not like or identify with. You stop being you when you say “yes” to your partner, family or anyone else when what you needed was to say “no” loudly.

Sooner or later that moment comes when we look at ourselves in the mirror and although we recognize those features, those familiar nuances, gestures and details, we conclude with tremendous anguish that we have ceased to be ourselves to be what life has made of us.

Not being one hurts and leads us adrift

Duke University psychologist Mark Leary warns us of something important. When a person perceives their inauthenticity, they experience great suffering. That is, the moment you stop being you, day after day and continuously, that frustration arrives that can easily lead to depression.

• Furthermore, something that Harvard University has analyzed through a study is that the buzzword in many work environments is “be authentic”. However, we are obliged to be part of complex work teams, to follow the firm dictates of the managers, to obtain very specific objectives … All of this is a double-edged sword.
• It is very difficult to be you in such defined, rigid and competitive environments. Little by little anxiety, stress and that discomfort appear where we are fully aware that far from being authentic, we are subordinate and alienated.

When we lack authenticity, whether we like it or not, we are forced to find a balance between what we do and what we need. Between what we are and what we carry out. Thus, something that we must consider is that being true to oneself is not easy, it requires that we learn to make convincing and courageous decisions.

Dare to be you and you will gain in health and well-being

Where it cannot be you, put distance. Where they do not allow you to express yourself, or prove your worth, where others dare to turn off your luminosity, your laughter and your values, flee. What use is a life with such suffering? It is not logical or permissible, therefore, at the moment that we perceive that prick damaging our self-esteem and dignity, it is worth reflecting on the following ideas.

Decisions based on self-knowledge

• At present, psychology takes many ideas from existentialist currents. One of them reminds us that to enjoy an authentic life a commitment to ourselves is necessary. 
• This implies allowing ourselves adequate spaces for reflection to assess whether what we do on a daily basis, what we say, respond, decide to do, is in accordance with our own being.

• It would suffice, for example. ask ourselves daily, do I feel good about what I have done ? Our honest responses should mark more courageous decisions.

Remember what you deserve

If you want to be you every day of your life, remember what you deserve. Take into account your worth, learn from your past, set goals on your horizon and above all, do not leave yourself second. You are not a supporting character, you are the protagonist.

We all have the right to have a full, satisfied existence aligned with our interests and passions. We all bloom daily and no one has to take nutrients away from us, wither us with their presence. It is, therefore, about choosing well where to expand our roots without forgetting that we deserve what we dream of.