When You Are Ashamed Of Your Family

If you are ashamed of your family, it may be because there are loose ends or unresolved difficulties. Thus, considering that most of the conflicts with our family we have during adolescence, it is at this time that we look at it with a critical and implacable eye. We want to differentiate ourselves and that is why we take note of all its flaws and mistakes. It is a normal part of our development.

However, sometimes those conflicts are not resolved when we mature, but persist into adulthood. Let’s say that shame is a feeling in which the fundamental point of reference is the gaze of others. It is experienced when some aspect of ourselves is exposed that is reprehensible to us and that others could censure. The gaze of others is at the center of all this.

When you are ashamed of your family, in one way or another it is as if you are ashamed of yourself. Humanity is a great tree and each one of us is like a leaf, which in turn belongs to a specific branch. We are part of that branch. From her we were born and from her our life took shape. Similarly, we are part of the family and she of us. It is something that constitutes us. Is that shame valid? Should we work to overcome it?

Shame as a feeling

You feel ashamed for many reasons . Some of them are reasonable, but others not so much. Sometimes we are ashamed of a specific fact, reality or situation. Other times it is a feeling that accompanies us permanently. In extreme cases, we come to feel ashamed of existing, of being what we are. As if our life were an outburst.

Without going to these extremes, in general, we can say that shameful feelings come from a rigid conscience. More than the others, it is our own conscience that raises its hand and points the finger at us. Sometimes, of course, that awareness coincides with the accusing finger of someone outside. However, in this case the reproach, our own or someone else’s, is accompanied by another element: it was something we wanted to keep hidden.

That is what differentiates shame from guilt. In guilt there is reproach and a certain feeling of unworthiness. But adding to the embarrassment is the fact that there is a kind of invasion of our personal privacy . Something we wanted to keep hidden comes to light. That something is reproved by ourselves; shame ends up being configured when it is exposed and we assume, or verify, that it is also disapproved by others.

When you are ashamed of your family

If you are ashamed of your family specifically, it means that there are aspects in your immediate environment that you find reprehensible and that you want to keep hidden from the eyes of others. Such aspects sometimes have to do with an objective reality and sometimes arise from your appreciation.

You may be ashamed of your family because, for example, one or more of its members carry out illegal activities. In this case, the shame is more than justified, as it is a risk to your good name. However, there are also many cases in which the reason for the shame is poverty, or a physical defect, or simply the fact that your family does not conform to a certain ideal that you have in mind.

In both situations, in any case, there is a problem that must be solved. In both cases there is an aspect of life that has not been fully consciously assumed. Shame is the awareness of having two faces and the healthy thing is to integrate all those aspects or facets. For this, it is necessary to establish positions that are consistent with who we are and what we believe in.

If you are ashamed of your family for objective reasons, it is advisable to distance yourself. Not necessarily from your family, but from their actions. You can do this openly and not through concealment. In the event that embarrassment arises as a result of your class or condition complexes, perhaps it is best to reflect on your values. Perhaps the problem is not your family, but some complexes that you drag. It is worth your evaluation.