What Comes From The Heart, Sometimes, Does Not Reach The Heart

What comes from the heart does not always reach the hearts of others. We have all experienced it at some time: doing something for that person with immense affection and being answered with the taste of indifference. It is as if kindness, far from speaking a universal language, sometimes gets lost in strange dialects.

In this case, we are not only talking about the dissonance between what you give and what you later receive. We also refer to that desolate feeling of the other’s heart that does not see, that does not feel or perceive what others do for him or her. We know very well that love is invisible, but if others do not intuit it through our actions, it is as if somehow nothing makes sense.

Some behavioral and business science experts tell us that kindness is actually a handicap to social success. Somehow, the noble person who always acts honestly will leap from disappointment to disappointment in this complex river of competitiveness that defines our modern world.

This is something we all know. However, despite this, there are many of us who simply choose to always act in this way. Because kindness, doing things from the heart is a personal value in which it is worth investing time and effort. However, we cannot deny it: disappointments hurt.

The bitterness of not feeling recognized hurts. Because no one acts selfishly when they expect their partner, family or supposed best friend to perceive those little acts that we do with love. Because sometimes wanting requires giving up, and that concession is also made sincerely. Although unfortunately, the hearts of others are sometimes suspended in other tunings, in other channels …

The noble heart and its island of solitude

When someone does something from the heart, multiple dimensions harmonize. Their own identity, the value of reciprocity, the desire to promote good, to confer well-being, joy and illusion are extolled. The person who acts with kindness should feel, indeed, reaffirmed when seeing that all the energy invested in doing good works. That its purpose has a useful end. However it is not always so.

Far from finding a congruence between what one does and what one hopes to find, what occurs at times is a sad injustice. We could give many examples. We could talk about the old man who gave everything in the past for the sake of his children and now, is rewarded with loneliness. The adolescent who seeks to integrate with respect, affection and closeness to his peer group and is received with ridicule and insults would also be a good example.

We cannot forget either the couple who take care of details, which includes the happiness of the person they love at the top of the priority list, who cares, who builds, who invests … If none of this is seen, if none of this is valued, is that that love does not work. It is not worth it. That is a substitute for love that is better to reformulate or discard.

Whoever does things from the heart and is not recognized, ends up living little by little on his island of solitude.  Somehow, we end up looking a bit like Prospero, the character in William Shakespeare’s “Tempest.” Someone who, after being wounded by adversity and betrayal, ends up secluded on a lonely island in the company of his daughter, in a fairy, calm and spiritual world where sadness is inevitably the only protagonist.

Now, to survive in this complex world – and in our day-to-day relationships – it is  convenient to integrate a series of emotional and cognitive “anchors” to hold on to to avoid further collateral damage. Because goodness is not synonymous with naivety, but with the courage of someone who is faithful to what his heart dictates.

• We must not become complacent professionals. There is no greater source of suffering than that of someone who tries to make everyone happy.

• Never go against your own needs to act “according to what we think the other expects of us.” Life is not that complicated.

• Nor is it good to obsess over being rewarded for everything we do. Kindness does not demand tribute, it is enough to act in sync with its values.

• Remember that constant surrender does not strengthen your self-esteem. Sometimes it forces us to bury illusions. So don’t hesitate to “give yourself up” every now and then. You will also gain in health and personal balance.

• He also understands that whoever is blind to small acts of daily love will also be blind to everything else.  Because true love does not need great demonstrations to be recognized.

The art of good love is wise attending to the small details, those that are offered from the heart …