Trusting In Love After Being Hurt

Love is not a matter of faith, nor is it a religion. Love is an affective and emotional experience that usually comes unexpectedly. No one can love by force nor can they stop loving when they see fit by not feeling reciprocated, for example. And it is perhaps there, in this small feeling of lack of control, where the real problem appears to trust in love.

Love often engulfs us in a sheath of subtle fragility : everything that our partners do, say, or do not say affects us in a more intense way, every experience becomes more intense and, consequently, both happiness and suffering they are experienced in a much stronger way.

Hence, for example, many people tend to act in an almost understandable way after a sentimental failure: to avoid pain, it is better to flee. What hurts is better avoided. Pure classical conditioning. But .. Is this the right thing to do? Is it better to avoid falling in love again so as not to suffer? And even more … how can we trust love again?

When love hurts and disappoints

There is a very common idea that love is synonymous with suffering. We think that this feeling, as such, is associated only with affectivity and, consequently, with irrationality. Loving and feeling do not go hand in hand with “thinking.”

But we have to be clear, sometimes it is not enough just to love, affection is not the only pillar for a couple to work. We have to locate it, rationalize it and control this emotional madness as much as possible. There must be a balance between passion and rationality, otherwise we would end up losing ourselves.

A process that people usually go through throughout our lives is to learn that trust, sometimes, is broken. When we are children, our natural tendency is to trust others. But as we get older, experience teaches us that people are not perfect, that they are fallible, and that they can hurt us willingly or unwillingly.

Perfect love?

In some way, we are all exposed to pain. And what’s more, we can also do it to other people. It is something that we must always be clear about. Experts always recommend us first of all the need to be realistic in love.

Do not get carried away by the idea that the relationship you have now will always be perfect, think that it is a long process in which pieces fit together, in which to negotiate, sometimes resign or defend … a daily process where there is always the reciprocity and willingness on the part of both to maintain that relationship. It is about exercising a movement similar to that of a pendulum, going from “I” to “US”.

Trusting love again

Yes, it is possible to trust love again. You may think right now that it is better not to trust anyone again. That your past relationships ended in failure and that there have been enough bad experiences to try again. That day-to-day loneliness is better than uncertainty and fear of being hurt again.

If you think this, try to objectively assess the points that we now point out to you. We lose nothing by thinking about these dimensions for a few moments …

1. To trust a person again, the first thing is to trust yourself

Is it that you do not have the right to be happy, perhaps you do not deserve to live good moments and share the experience of day to day with another person? The first step is to feel full, satisfied and happy with yourself. “I like the way I am, I like that face that I see every morning and I feel satisfied with the life that I lead now.” All these concepts are what give strength to our roots.

Good self-esteem and good self-confidence will always make us stronger in the face of pain. If I know what I want, I will immediately know how to see those signs in the other person that I know are not good for me, that I know can hurt me. “I love myself and I choose another person to love her too, to grow with her but keeping my balance at all times.”

2. Listen to your needs

Only you know where you are now. Only you know what your past is and how you have been hurt. And every wound requires a healing process, we know that. Hence, it is essential that you know how to listen to yourself, that you see what your needs are at all times.

It is essential that we recover our self-love, that we rebuild everything that is around us. You may feel that now it is better to be alone, enjoy your friends and your family.

No hurry. Little by little we will begin to look around us with the most closed wounds, with a more open heart and a clearer mind . Confidence will come little by little and with stealthy steps, it will be the moment then to throw the ballast of our fears to embrace the unknown.

To live you have to take risks, being aware at all times that yes, disappointment can reappear. But maybe it’s worth it, even if it’s brief … maybe regret for not risking it offers us more guilt. Is it possible to love and trust again? It certainly is. Just depend of you.