They Haven’t Broken Your Heart, They’ve Broken Your Expectations

The vast majority of human beings will experience a love breakup at least once in their lives. This situation, always difficult, seems to be more complicated for some than for others. And it is that when a person affirms that their heart has been broken, usually that is precisely what they feel. A gut-wrenching, crippling pain.

We can fall into the error of thinking that these types of individuals had stronger and deeper feelings for who their partners were. Or perhaps we believe that it is a lack of emotional strength on their part. The reality is that the basis of their suffering is not excessive love or personal weakness; they are, plain and simple, expectations.

They haven’t broken your heart

They have never broken your heart. Speaking in a literal sense, it is evident that it has not happened since it is something physiologically impossible. But figuratively this has not happened either. Maybe at some point you came to feel that you gave your heart to someone and this person damaged it, destroyed it. But really, and even if it’s hard to admit, you caused this damage yourself.

Love does not tear, it does not destroy, not even when it ends. When you love someone in a genuine, pure and healthy way, suffering is different, since it is free of dependencies and you do not leave your happiness in charge of the other person, you do not expect them to fill you.

It is clear that we always have expectations and these, to a certain extent, are necessary. We expect respect, support and sincerity from our colleagues. However, mature love understands that each of us is responsible for our own well-being. And this responsibility includes knowing how to stay away from those who do not provide us with adequate treatment. Without allowing humiliation, betrayal, or disappointment to perpetuate as part of the relationship.

Although we usually blame the other for these situations, we are the ones who harm ourselves by remaining in them. Love doesn’t hurt, the ego hurts. It hurts to cling, to submit, to leave the skin and to neglect self-love in the name of love as a couple.

No one has been heartbroken for loving too much, because whoever really knows how to love would never feel so devastated by someone’s behavior or departure as to affirm such a thing. He would understand and accept that the other’s actions are not in his power, but his own are. And, therefore, he would safeguard his integrity and calmly walk away from that situation. With pain yes, but not with extreme suffering.

You are not weak

If you are part of the large group of people who at a certain point in our life we ​​feel that our hearts were broken, do not feel guilty. You are not weak for having harbored that feeling. You are not weaker than others, nor was your partner spectacularly valuable. Neither she was for so much nor you for so little. Understand that those responsible for the heartbreaking anguish that you may have felt are only expectations. 

When we establish a relationship as a couple, we begin to project a future with that person. We envision plans, set goals, and envision joint objectives. We hope and trust that the life plan we share will come to fruition.

However, as we all know, life is changeable and uncontrollable and things don’t always go according to plan. If at that moment we do not have good psychological flexibility, adequate adaptability and solid self-esteem, the fall can be impressive.

Generally, those who are most likely to suffer a complicated or pathological grief after a breakup are excessively rigid people, who need certainty and control. Those who fear change.

Learn to manage your expectations

It is positive to share illusions and projects with our partner, but we must not allow our psychological and emotional stability to depend on it. We have to be prepared to face changes without collapsing and, for this, we have to conscientiously work on our self-esteem and our flexibility.

If you feel that your heart has been broken, review the true origin of that feeling and understand that it is in your power to start loving in a healthier way. Begin by loving you unconditionally. Change can be scary, but remember that when nothing is certain, anything is possible.