The Feeling Of Guilt For Not Being Able To Breastfeed

Motherhood is one of the most beautiful and transformative experiences in a woman’s life. But also one of the hardest. Becoming a mother means facing external and internal pressures that can be overwhelming. Everyone seems to have an opinion, or rather a demand, on how you should play your role in multiple situations. Among them the choice to breastfeed your baby.

And it is that the exercise of motherhood by a woman seems to be a matter of public interest. Many people believe they possess the truth and act as ruthless judges. They give their opinion, judge and pass judgment without considering the emotional damage they can cause.

Breastfeeding is not always possible

The benefits of breastfeeding are undoubted. Pediatricians and organizations affirm that this constitutes the richest and most complete food for the child. In addition, it helps strengthen your immune system and forge the bond between mother and child. It even helps the woman in her postpartum recovery.

All this is true, but we cannot ignore the rest of the factors that take part in the decision process. Well, yes, breastfeeding is a personal choice of each mother and not an obligation. Many women deliberately choose not to opt for this type of diet for their little ones and it is completely legal.

But, on the other hand, there is a high number of women who support breastfeeding who, for various reasons, are unable to carry it out. There are many conditions that can prevent the establishment or maintenance of lactation. Mother’s illnesses, low milk production, very painful mastitis processes …

Thus many mothers endure cracked, bleeding and extremely painful nipples trying to provide natural food for their children. Many others struggle with frustration and helplessness when they find that the little one cannot suck properly. Even a good part of them have to resign themselves to not continuing to breastfeed their little one because work-life balance is non-existent.

The overwhelming feeling of guilt

Whatever the situation that the woman goes through, in all cases she experiences an overflowing whirlwind of negative emotions. She faces disappointment, helplessness, the feeling of inferiority at not achieving something that for so many other mothers is a daily act.

But above all, he is faced with an overwhelming sense of guilt. Guilt for not being able to provide your child with what he needs, for feeling like you deprive him of something necessary and beneficial. Guilt for not being able to adjust to the ideal of a mother that is imposed on us from the outside.

And guilt is accompanied by fear. Fear of not being enough, of not being able, of negatively influencing your child’s health, and of missing the opportunity to forge the valuable mother-child bond.

If the internal pressure is not enough, if your internal critic does not attack with enough fierceness, to this are added the voices of all those who feel they have the right to have an opinion. There always seems to be someone willing to remind you of the great benefits of breastfeeding, as if they are unfamiliar with them. A condescending voice is always raised telling him that “if he’s tired, what can he do?” 

No, that woman has not gotten tired, she has not been bored. He has struggled, drawing on all his strength and personal resources to achieve his goal. He has done more than is humanly possible; and you, who have not walked in his shoes, cannot judge his path. 

Breastfeeding at what cost?

Breastfeeding is beneficial, but not at any cost. The connection between mother and baby exists and runs deep before birth. The mother’s pain, her fear, her contained anger, her helplessness…. all these emotions the baby feels in intensity. The well-being of both is completely linked.

It is therefore illogical to endeavor to maintain breastfeeding when this attempt causes enormous suffering. The baby, more than breast milk, needs a healthy and happy mother. A mother who enjoys her role and can live it fully, without pain and without guilt. All mothers want the best for their baby, but this is inevitably linked to what is best for them as well.