The 6 Types Of Duel

Grief is one of those states that all human beings encounter several times throughout existence. We are not born yet and we are already beginning to lose. In turn, each loss implies suffering that must be dealt with and overcome.

The common thing to all grief is that it implies a loss. However, and since losses can be of various nature, there are also different types of grief. We speak of “evolutionary duels” when they refer to the losses that the passage from one age to another implies. Also mentioned are “social grief”, such as loss of a job, retirement, exile, and so on.

However, the griefs that bring the most difficulties are those that originate in the loss of loved ones, especially through death. This is largely due to the fact that most of the time the bond ends, but not the love of which it is composed, nor the dreams, fantasies and hopes that accompany it.

That is why the suffering is intense and demands a lot of work to be overcome. From the point of view of affective loss, there are several types that we will describe below.

1. Anticipatory grief

This duel takes place when you are aware that you will suffer an imminent loss, but it has not yet materialized. It occurs when, for example, a divorce is prepared, a long trip, when a terminal illness occurs or euthanasia is scheduled. As stated by Meza Dávalos (2008), in case of illness, grief occurs  “ when a prognosis of incurability is issued ” . According to Dávalos, at that moment “there is sadness in the family member, but also a more or less unconscious adaptation to the new situation that has just been created . “

The difference with respect to other duels is that in the anticipatory the feelings tend to be much more ambivalent and unstable. As the person is still there, the mourners alternate closeness and distance: they want to feel the presence of that person for the last time, but at the same time they fear the attachment that this generates.

2. Absent grief

It is a form of grief in which whoever is affected blocks their feelings. He pretends to act as if nothing has happened and becomes completely hermetic on the subject. In fact, if you mention it, you don’t give it a different value than you would give any other matter.

In this case what operates is a negation mechanism. The impact is so strong that the person does not feel capable of facing it. That is why he focuses on other aspects of life. The problem is that hidden pain always returns, either in the form of irritability, anxiety or a physical illness, among others.

3. Chronic grief

Chronic grief occurs when a person is unable to overcome the loss of a loved one. In one way or another, he is reluctant to accept what happened and obsessively focuses on keeping alive the memory of that someone who is no longer there. It ends up paralyzing your life and constantly maintaining a posture of pain.

People with depressive tendencies are more likely to settle into this type of grief, which also becomes a way of life. Anxiety, sadness and guilt prevail, as well as a feeling of helplessness and disappointment. This type of grief demands professional help. Cobo Medina (2001) affirms that “there are people existentially structured by grief, in which it determines the constitutive nucleus of their existence . “

4. Delayed grief

It is generally an effect of absent grief. Although at first the person tries to ignore their pain, after a while it emerges with great force and perhaps at the least expected moment. Sometimes it can even take several years before the grieving begins.

It is also the case that a person is unable to grieve at the time of loss, due to special conditions, such as an overly demanding work commitment or a pressing family situation.

5. Inhibited grief

This type of grief is experienced by people who have great difficulty expressing their feelings. This is the case of children, who fail to put into words everything that this situation represents. On many occasions, adults ignore their pain and do not help them overcome it, since they have the conviction that “they do not understand.”

Grief is also inhibited in the case of people with some type of cognitive disability. Or in situations like those of the father or mother who try to stay strong so as not to affect their children. Or, simply, when someone is very reserved and does not have the opportunity to talk about how they are feeling.

In any case, inhibition translates into obsessions, constant depression, anxiety, etc.

6. Unauthorized duel

In unauthorized grief there is a rejection of the environment towards the pain that a person experiences. In the long run, sooner or later, others always try to disavow the grief at some point because, for those who do not experience suffering, what the bereaved person must do is let go of the one who has already left and continue with their life.

However, there are specific situations in which grief is openly overruled from the start. For example, when a man or woman who had an extramarital affair dies. The lover “will not have the right” to express his regret. Sometimes this also applies to the death of a pet, since if it causes a lot of pain, others will tend to disqualify that suffering.