My Partner Has Left Me Several Times And Then Comes Back: Why Is This?

“My partner has left me several times and then comes back, we have broken up so many times that I no longer know if ours is worth it …”. There are many people who find themselves in this same situation, in those bubble gum back and forth relationships, today I don’t love you and tomorrow I need you. They are realities of high psychological exhaustion that not everyone knows how to handle.

The first thing that comes to mind when faced with this type of relationship is that the best thing would be to break it. After all, what already shows cracks is sooner or later destined to crumble on its own. However, there is a problem and it is none other than affective attachment, that emotional glue that prevents you from building happy and mature relationships.

Thus, and as striking as it may seem, these dynamics occur on multiple occasions. They are highly pathological experiences that we should not favor for our well-being and psychological balance. We analyze it.

My partner has left me several times and then comes back, why does he do it?

Finish and start over. Break the relationship and after two, three weeks or a month, your ex-partner sends you a message or knock on the door to ask for your forgiveness and, incidentally, claim a new opportunity. A part of you knows it shouldn’t, but love is blind, affection too naive, and sometimes immaturity too powerful. With which you restart once more, something that you should have concluded.

Now, if a person says that “my partner has left me several times and then comes back”, the problem as such is not only in those who break up and then make the way back. Also, whoever gives in to this dynamic over and over again shows a problem that they should review. And the key, as we have pointed out, is in affective dependence. Let’s dig a little deeper.

Codependency and emotional immaturity

There are couples who end their relationship after a specific argument. The spirits are heated, reproaches are thrown, pride is inflamed and it does not take long to appear the classic “well we leave it”. Now, after a few days or a few weeks, the anger dissipates and the notification appears on the mobile of “I need you.”

Maturity in relationships does not come with age, it is not a program that is installed automatically after 30. Poor management of emotions, codependency, low self-esteem and confusing love with need completely dilute competition in affective matters.

Unbreakable relationships: neither with you nor without you

The Intercontinental University Mexico carried out an interesting work in 2005, entitled Neither with you nor without you : the unbreakable couple. This study defined a very common type of affective bond: that of unbreakable relationships. It outlines the personality of those who are unable to stay together, but at the same time do not feel strong enough to break the relationship permanently.

This dynamic configures a vicious circle in which hatred and love, frustration and suffering, attachment and rejection feed on each other. When these people are together they are aware that living together is unbearable, however, when they are apart they feel empty without each other.

My partner has left me several times and then comes back (fear of loneliness)

The fear of loneliness makes us beggars of affection, slaves of bad love. Thus, if someone comments that ” my partner has left me several times and then comes back” it  is appropriate for both of them to ask what causes the breakup and what explains the return. In many cases, separation occurs because coexistence is impossible. Also, because the affection is no longer the same.

However, in many cases this return to the relationship is driven by fear. What am I going to do alone? What will become of me without anyone by my side?

What can I do if my partner wants to come back after leaving him?

There are second parts that are worth it. Obviously, there may be relationships that we leave in their day and that later, due to the circumstances, it is appropriate to invest in them to repair them, to try it in a more mature, committed and courageous way.

Now, if a person has left the other person several times and then returns, we are faced with another reality. Those comings and goings, those bubblegum relationships that stretch and later come back, only generate suffering.

What’s more, we must be aware of something important. The problem is not only in who leaves and then returns. Also, whoever gives in and allows the return must reflect on why they do so. Some thoughts on this are worth keeping in mind.

Aspects to consider

• With them leaving us only once is enough to rethink that relationship. Therefore, if we offer a new opportunity and another break occurs, it is our obligation to understand that it is not good to waste our own dignity with those who do not respect us.
• The love back and forth is doomed to suffering. We must understand that affection is not everything to build a relationship. It is not enough to love a lot, you have to love well and that is not something that everyone knows how to do.
• Also, it is good to remember a detail. Dependence distorts love, makes us slaves of pathological affective dynamics. We tolerate the intolerable and we break down our own self-esteem bit by bit.

To conclude, let us be capable of not wasting our dignity with those who do not deserve us. Back and forth relationships don’t get us anywhere, they just cling to unhappiness.