My Partner Closes Up During Arguments: What Can I Do?

Does your partner shut down during arguments? Is he one of those who refuses to say anything and leaves you with the word and frustration on the surface? This type of behavior is not something isolated; in fact, they are a habitual reaction that shows once again how much we still need to advance and develop in matters of communication and emotional intelligence.

Cicero said that discussing sharpens sharpness, but the truth is that there are many who show an absolute allergy to confronting, arguing and exchanging ideas to defend a position and if possible, reach an agreement or conclusion.

Those who see a threatening situation in the discussions abound. They are the ones who are blocked, those who accumulate anger or simply do not have adequate competencies in assertiveness.

Obviously, we would all like a relationship to be like a dance. Paced movements and perfect harmony. However, even in any dance it is necessary to know how to master every movement: the easy ones and the difficult ones. This is how we will be able to move with greater poise and temperance, facing all unforeseen events and complications.

What You Can Do If Your Partner Closes Up During Arguments

And you, do you know how to argue, are you one of those who loses your nerves or perhaps one of those who closes in on a band? On average, we usually encounter these three types of dynamics.

While at the center there is someone who is skilled and effective in the art of discussion, on each side there are such problematic extremes. The one who loses his papers and ends up screaming or the one who applies the law of ice: I shut up and walk away.

It is not easy at all to be the member of the couple who sees how suddenly the other opts for the latter. For blocking the conversation, not responding and marking that rough distance in which everything remains in the air, unresolved and with infinite hairs in the emotional cat-flap. Likewise, there is something that we must be clear about: knowing how to communicate is what guarantees the survival and quality of an affective relationship.

This is what studies such as those carried out at the University of Georgia reveal to us: the quality of communication processes is what predicts the satisfaction of any affective bond. Therefore, if your partner closes down during discussions, it is something you must work on and manage.

It is not good that problems remain in limbo, that disagreements remain with fringes in which everything is hooked and that small differences become large cracks where everything collapses little by little.

Understand the reason for your lock

Each of us is the result of a complex and particular filming. There are those who have grown up in a family environment in which dialogue was not frequent and where emotions were also not taken into account. There are many who have spent a good part of their lives swallowing their needs, desires, fears and frustrations like someone who swallows a stone. It is not easy to put words to what one has been silencing all his life

That way, if your partner closes up during arguments, it’s good to know why. However, do not make the mistake of presupposing, dare to ask to understand.

• You may not know how to lead a dialogue in which to defend positions and argue emotional issues.
• You may feel overwhelmed by emotions and lack the skills to manage them.
• You think that discussion is going to get you nowhere.

Time out: give yourself a few hours to resume the discussion at another time

It can happen. Sometimes emotions overwhelm and we cannot express ourselves as we wish. Thus, when your partner closes down during arguments, it is good to give him time. “I understand how you feel. We can leave this now, but we will talk later because it is important that we tackle this problem calmly. “

Allowing time serves to relax emotions, clarify ideas, and gain perspective. Talking to your partner affectionately while proposing to postpone that conversation, without disparagingly reproaching him for his reaction, can help. However, yes, it is important that this dialogue takes place. It is not worth letting it go by and sitting on your arms all day with a frown.

The discussions that are blocked and that one of the two chooses to leave in the air end up being a well where frustrations, resentments and the tangle of unspoken words accumulate. Those emotions, like stagnant water, end up degrading.

When your partner closes up during discussions, look for other options

There are more channels with which to encourage dialogue. If your partner closes up during discussions, you can propose that he write what he feels. Let him use paper and pencil. You can also use other resources:

• Ask him with closeness and affection what he feels and what he thinks.
• Suggest an activity that breaks that tension: go out to dinner or for a walk. Sometimes introducing another activity and context calms nerves and encourages dialogue.

To conclude, it is true that these situations are not easy. There are people who scab over, who are like armor that close in on themselves and who are very difficult to reach to communicate with. Knowing how to discuss is first of all about emotional well-being and this art is something in which we should all enable ourselves to be able to live together.