Love Spreads Every Day, Especially One’s Own

There always comes a time in our lives when we start to practice it. We refer to the art of filling ourselves with healthy things: people, situations, things … Some will call it selfishness, I, however, call it personal dignity. Because if we don’t have self-love,  what kind of love can we aspire to? 

Today, one of the aspects that arouses the greatest interest in the field of psychology is undoubtedly the issue of self-esteem or self-esteem. Every day more approaches, more techniques and renowned gurus “flourish” who seek to give us the perfect formula. However, there is one aspect that should be clear to us: self-love is not found outside of us, it is built, delicately woven and watered every day like the most powerful seed of our being. 

Many experts in the emotional world tell us that the key to the problem of self-love is in our education. They do not teach us to love ourselves, to set limits, to trust our abilities. All of this means that little by little we are creating a substitute for self-esteem based exclusively on our interactions with others.

The image of ourselves is threaded in what others think and say. We become almost without knowing how, fragile fireflies looking for a spotlight and dreaming of being “special”. When in reality, all we need is to learn to be ourselves, accept ourselves with our greatness, flaws and identities. We suggest you reflect on it.

Self-love isn’t everything: practice self-compassion

This subject is certainly fascinating. If we make a small review of a large part of the self-help or personal growth books, we will realize that many of them associate self-esteem with success. With high self-esteem, one is supposed to be able to achieve professional success. With a defined and seamless self-esteem, our affective relationships are more satisfying.

However, these types of relationships are not always fulfilled. Self-love is not a guarantee of success, it is a personal value that gives us self-respect and the reaffirmation of our being. Thanks to him we have better capacities to relate, to survive and to be part of our daily dynamics. However, high self-esteem does not guarantee us 100% success in every area of ​​our life.

In recent years there has been talk of a new and interesting concept: that of self-pity. According to an article published in the journal “Personality and Social Psychology”, we should see this strategy as a way to achieve authentic personal fulfillment. It would be like reaching a deeper level of self-love.

Self-pity means, first of all, addressing our mistakes and our limitations with respect, with compassion. We embrace ourselves as people who deserve a new opportunity to move forward despite having failed on occasion.

Likewise, this dimension proposes us to stop judging ourselves, being defensive and comparing ourselves with others.  You have to keep an open mind and a warm heart that respects itself by cultivating optimism, and of course humility. Only in this way can we realistically validate our qualities, greatness and our potential.

Keys to defend and build your self-love

Referring to the aforementioned Shakespeare quote  “we know what we are but not what we can become” we will realize that at present, this idea is not fulfilled. People spend our lives dreaming about what we want to be, what we would like to achieve, but in reality, we forget something: to practice self-knowledge.

• Carl Rogers already wrote about it at the time : “only when I accept myself as I am, can I change, can I improve”. It is necessary to take this into account, self-love implies above all leaving aside the “I should be” towards the “I am”. Only in this way do we give ourselves that personal glow that until not long ago, we had filled with shadows.

• Another aspect to take into account, and which we certainly do not always put into practice is that of self-satisfaction. Enjoy yourself, appreciate who you are, what you have done and even the mistakes left behind. All this configures a beautiful “mandala” where your entire being is contained in continuous growth.

Delight in each of the tones of your life, in each shape, in each movement. It is your own creation that defines you and that should inspire you every day. It is clear that in our existence we cannot aspire to total personal satisfaction, but you deserve and must fight to achieve at least 80%.

Because remember, the less we accept ourselves the more we will need the acceptance of others, and no one, absolutely no one, deserves this kind of slavery.