How To Say: I Don’t Love You Anymore

Woody Allen said, with his characteristic humor: “ A relationship is like a shark. You know? It has to move constantly otherwise it dies  and I think what we have in our hands is a dead shark. ” In these cases, the time has come to say: I no longer love you.

All of us have lived through love and heartbreak and we know the emotional consequences they have, the disappointment you feel when they tell you that they no longer love you or the pain that goes through us when we say “I don’t love you anymore.” Heartbreak has been dealt with by literature, philosophy, cinema, psychology and many other areas, but in the end at the crucial moment, when we are the protagonists, we are left speechless.

We associate heartbreak with something negative, for various reasons: a break in a relationship is understood as a personal and social failure; Heartbreak carries patterns that resemble a state of mourning for the death of a loved one ; heartbreak is related to a feeling of abandonment.

The secrets of heartbreak

A couple can go through moments of crisis, but there are times when the crisis has no solution. Let’s not forget that a relationship is something alive that can change for many reasons : appearance of another person, changes in the way of thinking of each person, family conflicts …

When it comes time to break a relationship and say “I don’t love you anymore,” anger, pain, and isolation take over and we feel small and betrayed.

According to John Cacioppo, director of the Center for Cognitive and Social Neurology at the University of Chicago in the United States: ” We were designed to establish ties and it is very hurtful that these are broken because the person in whom you trusted and in whom you believed failed you.”

Broken heart

Having a broken heart is one of the most used metaphors to express heartbreak. It has been scientifically proven that in situations of couple breakup, a heart rate falls below 60 beats per minute, especially in the first days after the separation.

In fact, in the breakup of a couple, you can suffer what is known as the “broken heart” syndrome or “tako-tsubo” syndrome. The Núñez-Gil team (2012) describes it as an “ apparently ephemeral cardiomyopathy that produces a variable degree of ventricular dysfunction, predominantly left and, by definition, reversible. Occasionally related to stressful situations ” .

The Spanish Heart Foundation (FEC) states that ” we will probably be facing a tako-tsubo syndrome if there was a history of a strong and sudden stressful event . ” The ECF highlights, in these cases, the absence of cardiovascular risk factors such as hypertension, diabetes, dyslipidemia or smoking.

Body ache

According to a Dutch study published by the journal Psychological Science, when we suffer from heartbreak the same areas of the brain are activated as when we feel pain in the body, so there is a relationship between feelings and physical pain.

Losing a partner when we are in love

According to various scientific studies, the pain of losing a partner when we are in love is similar to that felt when losing a loved one. This loss activates the same regions as pain in the brain.

The odds of breaking

The anthropologist Hellen Fisher affirms that the fourth year of relationship usually comes a time when we will experience a situation in which we will have to define ourselves by love and not by falling in love based on simple attraction.

Ways to say: I don’t love you anymore

It is very difficult to tell someone “I don’t love you anymore.” It is important that before we have had a very deep reflection on what we feel and what has led us to this situation. It is never a good time to let the other person know, but it is important that we be honest and sincere.

When communicating the news to our partner, it is essential to maintain a sincere and firm attitude and, above all, to actively listen to the other person. The conversation should be done face-to-face and straightforwardly, to show respect. It is good that it is a conversation in which we show conviction, empathy and listening.

If the other person does not accept the situation or blames or criticizes us, it is essential to let them speak and listen, but remain firm in our decision. Do not go in to defend ourselves and avoid emotional blackmail, that is why it is so important to think about the decision beforehand.

Using a firm tone of voice and an upright posture helps to convey the message with confidence and to give the feeling that we are fully convinced of what we are saying. It is very important to be honest and understanding and to say what you think and feel in a kind way. Don’t forget that saying “I don’t love you anymore” requires a lot of courage.