How To Overcome The Contempt Of Others: 5 Key Ideas

Throughout life, most of us come to complete the emotional range . In addition, in many cases we also complete it in second and third person, identifying this same range in others. Well, one of these reverse game emotions is the depreciation of others. A perception that can be the source of really intense suffering.

We can feel despised for comments, actions (or omissions), lack of respect … Now, when it comes to positioning ourselves, it is good to remember that the behaviors of others do not depend on us, but what to do next.

Contempt and how it affects us

According to the RAE ( Royal Spanish Academy ), to despise means, literally, ‘to dismiss and to have little’. Thus, a disdain is a dismissal, a lack of appreciation.

When they despise us, we feel bad, and it is normal, even if we have learned to take emotional distance in situations in which distancing ourselves can be a good option; reduce our attachment to what is happening and position ourselves rather as a spectator.

On the other hand, how we feel will also depend on the type of contempt, whether it is touching a sensitive issue in us, the person, the precedents, the intention we attribute, etc. Depending on these and other variables, we will feel contempt with more or less intensity or we will manage it better or worse.

That said, the question is, what can we do when we feel underappreciated? In response we leave you 5 key ideas that can help you when it comes to managing this type of comments or offenses.

How to overcome the contempt of others

How to overcome the contempt of others? We leave you 5 key ideas to face this situation and prevent it from interfering with your well-being.

Apply emotional self-control

Emotional self-control is a capacity that allows us to manage our own emotions and impulses. It is normal that, when feeling despised, one reacts badly (sometimes, even, with violence). This is because our amygdala is activated, which causes us to react like this or to become defensive.

However, emotional self-control allows us to locate these emotions, validate them, understand them and manage them in a healthy way.

Practicing self-control is not something easy, and it takes time, but it is very effective when deciding how we want to manage the emotional impact of what happens to us.

Face the situation

Another key idea to overcome the contempt of others is simply to face the situation. Facing the situation involves deciding what space or place you want to give in your life to the person who has despised you.

It implies asking: “what is this contempt based on?”, “Is it a contempt done with malicious intent?”, “Is it a one-off or recurring situation?”, Etc. That is, it involves asking yourself what is really going on and deciding if you want that person in your life or not, if you want to talk to them about it or not, etc.

Empathize

It is normal to feel bad about slights. Nobody likes to feel underappreciated and, in fact, it is a situation that we do not have to tolerate. However, we can also learn something from her. And that learning derives from the reflection you make of the situation; To reflect on it, try to empathize with the person who has despised you. Why do you think it has?

Do you think that someone who is “okay” has the need to look down on others? Put yourself in their shoes, try to find out what is behind this behavior. Logically, this is a totally optional and personal step, since we will not have the same desire to empathize with someone very close and dear as with a stranger.

Give contempt the place it deserves

Does that contempt really say anything about you? Or the other person? It is important, when it comes to overcoming the contempt of others, to be able to take an emotional distance from the situation and reflect, coldly, on what has happened.

Do you think you are capable of distancing yourself from that contempt? Are you giving it too much importance? Reflecting on these ideas will allow you, over time, to give contempt the place it deserves in your life, no more, no less.

Often, a scorn says more about the actor than about the recipient, about the one who is aiming than about the one who is shot.

Work on your self-esteem

We know that people who enjoy good self-esteem are also often smarter when it comes to handling criticism and expressions of contempt . It is more difficult for their emotional balance to be broken by an external action and therefore it is also more difficult for their response to end up turning against them.

Beyond everything mentioned (locating that contempt, understanding why it is hurting us, giving that person the space and importance they deserve in our life [or removing them from it]), as strategies that can help us; The truth is that if we do not have good self-esteem, the other is of little use.

When it comes to overcoming the contempt of others, we do not all use the same actions to do so, nor do we all “serve” the same thing. Ultimately, we are the ones who choose one response strategy or another , either following the ideas discussed or taking others as a reference.

It will be our emotional intelligence, but also our self-esteem or our communication skills that will make us move forward, make clear to others the limits that they should not cross and not fall into the temptation to carry out behaviors that make us earn the contempt of others -although, sometimes, depending on the circumstances and who the others are, it can be unavoidable-.

Remember that we are constantly learning and that what works for you today may not work for you tomorrow. The important thing is to be open to change and to be able to face our emotions so that they accompany us and do not interfere with us.