Gaslighting, The Most Subtle And Corrosive Form Of Abuse
Has anyone ever made you believe that you were crazy? What do you affirm so much has never happened? When they make you doubt your judgment, what you think has happened, you can feel confused and even fall into depression. It is a very effective manipulation strategy that many people use to make others suffer and take advantage of. We are talking about Gaslighting, also known as making gas light, the most subtle and corrosive form of abuse.
The term “Gaslighting” is not chosen at random, but is taken from a film known as “Gaslight” in which the protagonist makes his wife believe that he is delirious and that he must go to a psychologist. All this has a purpose, to steal your fortune. A real torture for anyone who becomes a victim of this brutal deception.
Gaslighting, the weapon of manipulators
Although we are not yet closely linked to this term, the truth is that Gaslighting is used much more times than we think. It is one of the weapons of the manipulators, the one with which they can make the victim go crazy and end up submitting to what they want. Do you need to see some examples? Maybe they are familiar to you.
Imagine that there is a couple in which one of the members tells the other that when they had a certain conversation he felt hurt. The other person tells him that he does not remember that, that he is making it up and that he would never have said that. Although this can be questioned, the manipulator has just sown something very important: the seed of doubt.
From there, a series of circumstances will occur that will remind the victim of that moment in which her partner told her that things had not been as she imagined them. Faced with any other similar situation that happens, the manipulator will tell you that he is exaggerating, that he is lying, that his extreme sensitivity is playing tricks on him. The seed will germinate and, little by little, the other person may come to think that they are really making things crazy.
In the most extreme cases, the person who carries out this type of abuse hides objects and constantly causes the other to think that they have a wrong perception and that their memories are reliable to us. The reason why this is done is nothing more than to subdue the other, feel empowered, hurt or achieve a certain goal, as in the movie “Gaslight.” What we are clear about is that it is a clear example of a toxic relationship in which one of its members acquires great insecurity, constant doubts about what they believe to be true and an absolute dependence on the opinion of others.
The first of these keys is to trust our intuition. When we feel that there is something strange, that something does not fit us, we cannot give the whole truth to the other. Our instinct is speaking to us and we have to listen to it. He is usually at least as “right” as someone else can be.
The second key is not to seek the approval of the other. This is something we often do due to low self-esteem or because we depend on that acceptance. But, if our instincts are already telling us that something smells bad, let’s not agree with the person who tells us that a certain conversation has never occurred.
The third of these keys is to hold fast to our limits. If the other person yells at us, if he uses hurtful words with us or we notice that he is trying to use us to make us do what he wants, let us say it and do not let it pass. Let us not allow someone to cross our limits or reinforce the idea that they can do so with impunity, as these must be insurmountable. Once we give in, there is no turning back and a person who is psychologically abusive will take advantage of this opportunity.
We can doubt ourselves, but in such a case it is best to independently seek evidence. Think of Gaslighting as a strategy that fuels the belief that we experience a very different reality than what an objective narrator would detail. Thus, our thoughts begin to become obsessive, giving this idea even more force.
Getting away from the person who is making us feel so bad is important to step back and analyze the situation from a new perspective where manipulation cannot intervene. To agree with the other, when he makes us doubt ourselves, will give him all the power to destroy us.
