Do We Love Or Just Care For An Illusion?

When you start dating, everything is wonderful and fantastic. However, as time goes by, the person next to us becomes more in-depth. It is then that we also begin to discover if we really like him and love him as he is or, if on the contrary, we were living an illusion.

It is normal to form an image of a person we have just met, especially when it comes to starting a relationship with desire and to which we put all the illusion. Certain characteristics, attitudes and personality traits are attributed to it based on how little we know and what we would like it to be.

Setting expectations is inevitable, but the disappointment can be great. And it is that, in love, if something should be a priority, it is to accept the other as they are. With its strengths and weaknesses.

Idealization of the partner and the relationship

Idealizing the partner is part of the process of falling in love, which in our culture and society is the first step to having a romantic relationship. When we meet someone who attracts us and has some of the characteristics that we want in a partner, it is irremediable to attribute other positive characteristics to him. Thus, in the end, in a certain way we will see in it what we would like to see.

All the illusion becomes that person who seems so wonderful and that, in addition, is transferred to the relationship. We tend to think that the relationship is going to be great and we create an illusion. We put all our hope in that person and in what is being built and, thus, based on that, we establish an emotional bond with that person.

Over time, the desidealization fades as the couple becomes better known. We find reality: their intimacy, their reactions to different circumstances, their character, their thinking about important matters … This, if the illusion, and the expectations, that we did differ a lot, can cause a real crisis in the relationship.

Right now, if that person doesn’t fit in, it would be time to end the relationship. However, sometimes the desire and feelings are so great that we even refuse to see reality. We try to mold the person according to our idea, or simply we will only look for confirmation of the ideal that he is.

Accept and love

When the true identity of the couple is revealed, if you decide to move on with the relationship, two things can happen. One, that we tolerate and let those traits and attitudes that we do not like go by, simply to take care of the illusion and maintain what had so moved us. Another, that we really accept what the other person is, and precisely for that reason, we love them.

This option is much more difficult, since it requires effort and perseverance. Accepting the other as they are unconditionally is a difficult decision, as well as a wonderful one. He is accepted without waiting for him to change, without complaints, with his principles, physique, way of seeing life … It is only under these conditions that he truly loves himself.

In this sense, do not confuse. If something doesn’t fit in with us so much that it shakes our lives, our identity, and our rights, accepting unconditionally shouldn’t be an option. For this reason, in the process of de-idealization of the couple is when we must assess the weight and importance of those that do not fit as much with what we had anticipated and expected. Above all, those aspects that can end up being a problem in the long term.

The honesty

Ultimately, loving and getting rid of the illusion that we had created is doing an exercise in honesty. Be honest especially with yourself, think about what we need, what we expect from a relationship and if what we have is really capable of making us happy. And, only then, decide to build something beyond illusion or not.