Do It, And If They Are Going To Criticize You Anyway, Act More Forcefully

Do it, whatever you have in mind dare to carry it out, because if they are going to criticize you anyway it is not worth hiding in your holes, embittering yourself in your insecurities. Living fully is the art of turning a deaf ear to hollow and malicious words in order to flee from the mediocre and thus dance to the extraordinary.

It is curious how when looking for a bibliography regarding criticism, most of the titles that appear to us always focus on the idea that we should learn from them. It is as if a large part of the reproaches we receive on a daily basis, had that positive and constructive intention ; criticisms before which to be receptive to understand the error, accept the suggestion and grow.

Now, in reality, a remarkable percentage of the criticisms we receive throughout our lives are not useful or seek to bring light. On the contrary, they trip up our self-concept and wire our self-esteem. We are undoubtedly talking about a highly destructive dimension that has a strong impact on childhood and relationships.

Often, it is said that people seek first of all to be valued by our peers, and that is why it is so difficult for us to accept reproaches. It is not entirely true . The human being, more than being valued, needs to be respected. More than flattery, we prioritize only “being and letting be”. Hence, many of the criticisms we receive in our daily lives are like those sharp shadows that seek to overshadow our work, our life style, our identity.

When criticizing you only serves to hurt you

You have your way of doing things, with your own hobbies, your particular details and your unmistakable style. It is possible that others do not understand them, that they are surprised and that more than one commit the recklessness of censoring and criticizing you just for being who you are. For doing things the way you do. Therefore, their reproaches are of little use, but more of a collateral effect.

Punitive messages that do not contribute anything and that seek only to humiliate their own characters or identities, do harm. That pain, in turn, is associated with the bond that we maintain with that person. So much so, that for the famous theory of the 4 horsemen of the apocalypse enunciated by John Gottam about the causes that predict the breakdown of a couple relationship, criticism is one of the main ones.

It usually starts in a subtle, barely perceptible way. However, little by little, the persistent criticism becomes a spiral where ingredients such as resentment, contempt or spite are added.

Criticisms will always rise as triggers of unhappiness when they are based on the following principles:

• When they sanction the personality, not the specific behaviors.

• When they do not focus on improvement, but on the attack itself in order to belittle, humiliate or project the anger of the person issuing the offense.

• Likewise, criticism also leaves sequels when it is made clear to us that “there is only one way of doing things”, and that way is the one imposed by our partner.

Experts in relationships tell us that people who exercise this type of behavior based on continuous criticism, are very clear at all times that this type of verbalization does not facilitate things to improve. In reality, they criticize and attack through the word to protect the ego. It is a labyrinth of slow destruction from which you have to get out as soon as possible.

Let’s think about it for a minute. It has taken us a long time to get to where we are. In our day-to-day life, we have enough with keeping our self-esteem afloat, with managing our own self-criticism, with being able to discern the useful reproaches from the useless ones. So let’s not carry those people who seek only to validate their voids with our insecurities on our backs.

• You are not perfect, however, those unique and imperfect nuances do not harm anyone, and they define you as a person. Do not let them dare to criticize you for being who you are, for thinking as you do, for acting as you want or for defending the values ​​that characterize your heart.

• Never put walls to your desires or projects just because around you, a whole ocean of objections and warnings opens. Listen to them, judge them objectively and, if you then discover that they are empty and baseless criticisms, let them go down the drain of poisoned words, selfish desires, satiny warnings of selfishness.

Always act with assertiveness and applying a hygienic filter to ignore objections that help us grow and turning a deaf ear to what is simply not useful or respectful.

Images courtesy of George Emos