Controlling Attitudes In A Couple That You Should Avoid

A couple relationship must be formed by two mature and independent people who voluntarily decide to share their lives. Forming a team, making joint decisions and taking into account the opinion and needs of the other is essential when creating intimacy and commitment. However, it is important not to fall into certain controlling attitudes as a couple that can damage the bond.

Not all of us are comfortable with the same degree of intimacy and interdependence. There are those who seek a closer and constant connection with their partner and there are those who decide to have more spaces of their own.

When the needs are different in both partners, it is common for one of them to feel overwhelmed by the demands of the other while the other party feels neglected. In these cases, communication is essential to negotiate and reach agreements. However, there are circumstances in which healthy boundaries in the relationship are clearly being crossed.

Controlling attitudes as a couple that you should avoid

Invade the privacy of your partner

This is one of the most frequent trust problems and the one that causes the greatest damage to the couple’s bonds. Checking your partner’s messages, calls or emails is not acceptable. In the same way that it is not lawful to review your bills, your expenses or your movements.

When there are suspicions of infidelity or deception, it is frequent that the first reaction leads us to invade the privacy of the other. However, if we want to maintain a healthy relationship, the path passes through sharing our concerns with the couple and making the decisions that we consider appropriate if trust has been broken.

Interfere with your social relationships

Having a relationship should not mean giving up other parts of our life or abandoning other significant ties. Family and friends must have a place in our day-to-day life and the partner must respect their presence and their importance to us.

Relationships with our partner’s closest friends are not always as cordial or close as we would like. Still, we should not deliberately try to distance them. Restricting the outings or contact with these important people is one of the controlling attitudes as a couple that causes the most damage.

Control your vital decisions

When a relationship is maintained, the vital decisions of each of the members affect both; therefore, it is important that they be discussed and agreed upon. However, it is common for selfish or manipulative attitudes to arise in this exchange of opinions. 

If your partner wants to undertake, change jobs or accept a promotion that will involve an economic risk or spend less time at home, think about it before refusing outright.

A sentimental partner should support us, encourage us and seek our happiness in a genuine way ; Therefore, even if you do not fully agree with the decisions of your partner, keep in mind that it is their life and do not try to impose or limit based on your preferences.

Constantly criticizing you and using guilt to manipulate

Constant criticism is extremely damaging. Not only does it affect the person who receives it emotionally, but it also damages the relationship of the couple causing it to deteriorate and fall into negative dynamics.

If you feel the need to frequently criticize your partner for his actions, his words, his clothes or his decisions, stop and reflect: do you really love him as he is? We do not have the power to change others and using criticism to cause a change will not bring positive results.

Emotions are the most powerful weapon of manipulation. Many of us have at some time made the mistake of inducing guilt in our partner to obtain a benefit or restrict our affection when he did not act as we wanted.

However, these attitudes are harmful and immature. If you find yourself putting them into practice, try using more positive tools like dialogue, listening, and assertive communication.

Controlling attitudes in a couple denote insecurity

If you have felt identified with some of the points previously exposed, it is important that you reflect on it. Controlling attitudes in a couple arise from a lack of emotional resources and  self-insecurity. 

Unfounded fears, dissatisfaction, or the need for control have more to do with one’s own personality than with the relationship itself. For this reason, personal work is the basis for resolving these attitudes and improving the quality of life as a couple.