Children Of Emotionally Immature Parents: Lost Childhoods

Being the child of emotionally immature parents leaves deep traces. So much so that many children end up assuming adult responsibilities and who grow up before their time forced by that parental incompetence, by that fragile, neglected and negligent bond that blurs childhoods and devastates self-esteem.

Nobody can choose their parents, we know that, and although there always comes a time when as adults we already have the full right to choose the type of treatment we want to establish with them, a child cannot do so. Because being born is almost like falling from a chimney. There are those who are lucky enough to be reached by wonderful, skilled and competent parents who will allow them to grow in a safe, mature and dignified way.

On the other hand, there are those who have the misfortune to land in the arms of immature parents who will ruthlessly determine the foundations of their personalities. Now, experts in child psychology and family dynamics know that in these cases two very striking things can happen, as well as determining factors.

 However, they can also encourage children themselves to assume the role of that adult that parents have refused to play. This is how some children end up taking responsibility for their younger siblings, taking care of household chores or making decisions that are not according to their age.

This last fact, as curious as it may seem to us, will not make that child more courageous, more mature or more responsible in a way that we could understand as healthy. What is achieved above all is to give the world creatures that have lost their childhood. We suggest you reflect on it.

Emotionally immature parents, childhoods cut short

One thing we all agree on is that having children does not make us true parents. Motherhood, as the healthiest and most meaningful fatherhood, is demonstrated by being present, facilitating a real, enriching and strong affection so that that child is part of life and not a broken heart linked only to fear, deficiencies and sick leave esteem.

Something that every child needs, beyond simple food and clothing, is that emotional, mature and safe accessibility where to feel connected to some people to understand the world and in turn, understand oneself. If this fails, everything falls apart. The child’s own emotions are overruled by the emotionally immature father or by that mother who, concerned only with herself, neglects the feelings and emotional needs of the children.

On the other hand, it should be said that these types of dynamics are more complex than they seem at first glance. So much so that it is convenient to differentiate 4 types of emotionally immature fathers and mothers.

Parental immaturity

The first typology refers to those fathers and mothers with erratic and unequal behavior. They are very emotionally unstable parents, the ones who make promises today and break them tomorrow. Parents who are very present today and tomorrow make their children feel like they are a nuisance.

• Impulsive parents, on the other hand, are those who act without thinking, who undertake plans without assessing the consequences, who go from error to error and from recklessness to recklessness without weighing their actions.

• Passive motherhood and fatherhood is undoubtedly one of the clearest examples of immaturity. They are those who do not get involved, those who are present but absent and those who base their upbringing on “laissez faire”.

• Finally, the figure of derogatory parents is also common , those who make their children feel that they are annoying or unwanted, those who understand parenting as something that exceeds them and in which they do not want to be involved.

These four profiles sculpted a truncated, wounded and invalidated childhood through disappointment. .

Overcoming these wounds caused by a lost childhood and immature parents is not an easy task, but not impossible. Cognitive behavioral therapy is quite helpful, as well as acceptance of the existence of that hurt caused by abandonment or neglect. Later will come the much needed reconciliation with ourselves, where we are allowed to feel anger and frustration over a stolen childhood and where we were forced to grow up too fast or left alone too soon.

We lost childhood, but life opens before us wonderful, free and always inviting to allow us to be what we always wanted and that we undoubtedly deserve. Let us ensure that the emotional immaturity of our parents does not prevent us from building the present and future happiness that we did not achieve in the past.

To be or not to be

To be or not to be, this is the question. Being parents is a responsibility. A great responsibility. We live in a society in which we allow ourselves to be carried away by social inertia. Studying, working, having a partner, getting married, having children, continuing to work… Many couples have children because that is what is expected. Because society imposes on them that at a certain age you have to have children.

The biological factor also comes into play. “The rice is going to pass me by , “ we heard many times. And this puts even more pressure on those indecisive couples. “If I don’t have it now, I never have it,” and they do. Other couples do not wait to have it in extremis , but want to have it because they are convinced that it is the next step in their lives, and they have it.

Having children is an important decision. So you do not have to take it motivated by haste, or by ” having to have “. But if you have a child, it is to raise him, give him affection, attention, love, education …